5¢ Cigar Needed, Mr. Marshall.

Following the horrible attacks on Paris, the sound of fury on the 2016 Presidential Campaign trail is to scare the hell out of the American voters. One of the Republican candidates said that all Muslims in the country should be registered and that could be done with proper management. This followed all all-out statement to stop all Syrian refugee proposals now. The newly elected Speaker from Janesville thought before they brought back a new GM or Parker Pen plant to Rock County, the time to discuss bringing in Syrian refugees should stop now. ‘Everybody vote no.’ Few if any targeted the Visa extension program that allows millions of foreigners to come and stay in the nation, far outweighing the few numbers of Syrian refugees proposed to come in under the immigration proposals of the President. The hysteria over the enemies statements that they would attack Washington D.C. was met by one member in the government stating that they felt it would be a good idea if people did not eat out at their favorite restaurants on Friday evenings from now one.

The ‘Let’s have a party at my house in Georgetown’ certainly brings new meaning to ‘family  value and family life’. It will place all kinds of pressure for extremists to specify the many such events throughout the greater Washington D.C. area. As one Country Club general manager stated, ‘We will have to have a tighter reign on the guest list and most important on who we vet for the job of handling Club reservations for dinners and parties from this point forward’. The 55th Governor from Louisiana was thought to have agreed but will no longer be on the committee because the Jindal Jiant dropped out of the Republican Presidential Campaign this past week and now must be registered as a guest, rather than a member. Scrutiny is now everywhere.

The local leading pizza shop in D.C. is taking Bruno Bronzini’s advice rather than Mark Vepri of Philadelphia. Everyone knows the famous Bruno telephone answering message: Bruno Bronzini’s Bagel Bakery. Bruno Bronzini speaking. You wanna little of our dough. We want a little of your dough. Go ahead. After the tone, let’s speak a little Bagel-ish. ‘Bagel, Bagel on the wall, who eats more, the small guy or the tall’. Leave a message or your order after the bagel  tone. OK…here’s ya tone…Bagel.’ As Donny has been noted to say, ‘I use a knife and fork when I eat my slice.’ Everyone knows that Bruno Bronzini’s Bagel Bakery is code for Pizza Palice. And The Palice is now making sure that anyone who orders a pie will now be vetted before deliver takes place and all orders will now be paid for in advance, U.S. cash or a credit card of their choice. Bitcoin not accepted. They are also advertising that they will have no foreigners delivering to any place in the greater D.C. area. ‘When you order from Bruno’s, you’s as safe as a baby kitten in mommies tummy. Ummm Ummm good.’ It has gotten down to this. If your name sounds funny, no slice for you. It’s Muslimishisless.

The hysteria has spread throughout the City of Lobbyists. Purplewater protection is now thought to be coming out with a sticker (for a price) that will protect any business and/or service with a minimum of 12 assault rifle crews 23/7. Minimum wage has just shot through the ceiling. Donny immediately said that he will support, 100%, any business that has a Purplewater sticker on its windows. ‘I think it is a good investment in protecting my family during dinner. It’s an American privilege. Besides we need to keep illegal immigrants out. We need management. We have no management. I know management. Family dinner and management. Great American values. 100% American values. They are the BEST American values. I know. Believe me. I know. Believe me. I own buildings. Believe me. I can deal with Putin. Bomb the Syrians.’

The Doctor said ‘He thinks it is a good idea to eat dinner. It doesn’t matter you hate all dogs.’

The FL Gov held a press conference saying that he thought it would be a good idea if the Purplewater sticker was placed in every business in Florida. The FL Senator in stating the obvious, said he would expect it to be on every window in every building in Lee County….by Sunday…after church. The Ohio Gov said it was felt that the good people of Ohio would not feel that threatened by this because it was more important to understand that the ability to move ahead was through discussion of the facts first and then take action. Or, words to that effect while again, nobody was listening. The South Carolina Senator could not be reached because he had already smashed his phone and was incommunicado. The Silicon Valley Tech lady was not heard from. The Gov from New Jersey couldn’t speak because he was eating a double pep/double onion with anchovy as an appetizer but he did spit out that he would not even take in orphans. No comment. The Senator from Texas said (among other things after publicly stating that he wanted the President to insult him face-to-face and not from Asia as he is on a foreign relations mission on behalf of the country) that only Christians should be admitted to this sacred country of ours without naming which country he was stating as sacred. Or, for that matter, which was his. Texas? The U.S.A? ‘It is not debasing. It is not degrading. It is TexAmericanaismich.’ You figure it out.

On the other side of the aisle, the Leading Lady from New York, Arkansas, was outraged that anyone would be so callous to think that this was because of Benghazi and a private internet computer storage situation. ‘We cannot put a yellow star saying ‘Muslim’ on each and every person of that faith in our country.’ The Right Senator said ‘They should be ashamed for even mentioning that all members of the Islamic faith would be painted with such a brush against the freedoms of our land.’  He added, ‘My land is your land…from sea to shining sea where we are all protected under the fundamental laws of freedom letting no man put asunder the basic premise of our Republic…life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness under the freedom of religion.’ The guy named ‘M’ said something but again, nobody listened because nobody knows who he is.

Filmmaker Michael Moore, in a letter of protest to the Michigan Governor’s decision to pause efforts to bring more Syrian refugees, that he would take in Syrian refugees. A mayor from Roanoke, VA, said ‘Syrians not welcome in Roanoke’. This followed numerous Governors stating the same thing. While neither governors nor mayors can make immigration policy, the point in fact during all of this week’s hubbub, the actor, George Takei stated that since 9/11, 75,000 Syrians have been allowed to come into the United States. When it points to racial prejudice; people stampeding with hysteria and a physical lack of political leadership as the President was in Turkey and Asia, we listen intently to what Gene Roddenberry’s Hikaru Sulu says during the middle of the journey on the Road To Wonderland.

Perhaps what was needed during the hurumphings of the week was what the 28th Vice President of these United States,  Thomas R. Marshall, said,  ‘What this country needs is a really good five-cent cigar’.

What a week.




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